Reconciliation – New Zealand

Wairere Falls Track
Wairere Falls Track
Wairere Falls Track
Te Waihou Walkway
Te Waihou Walkway
Te Waihou Walkway
Te Waihou Walkway
Arapuni Suspension Bridge
Arapuni Suspension Bridge
Arapuni Suspension Bridge

Being in the outdoors brings me more relief and clarity than anything ever has. It is a reminder of how merely insignificant I am. I am sure to some that feeling is terrifying and unsettling, but for me, it brings peace. It refreshes me to take a step back, breathe and decompress; something we may often forget to do in our busy lives. It truly softens any anxieties to be reminded that no matter how powerful I hope to be, or how powerful someone has hurt me, that in no way, shape or form will it ever be as powerful as nature and the way it sets my soul at ease. If nature can be then so can I.

Thinking I am better than this planet and the ground we walk on has never crossed my mind in matters of consideration. The un-required validation of man is inspiring; let’s be honest, this planet would do fine without us. It has the power to destroy cities like war; yet war has the power to destroy the world.

I feel honored to have the privilege of tramping through the man made paths and stand on balconies that overlook a view, otherwise unseen, like little sneak peaks into what this planet is made of. This land is so much bigger than any issue I may feel within and that is a feeling no person or any situation has been able to alter or take away from me. And so, I am passionate. I am passionate about protecting this feeling and spreading the motivation to likeminded others or to those seeking new realms of satisfaction they may of never taken the time to experience. To inspire those who feel deeply with anxious thoughts they are unable to analyze with clarity, that there are so many ways to detach from the chaos and this is one of them.

The outdoors is my biggest inspiration; it is my teacher, my guide, my home, and something that never fails to test me. I believe mountain tops, secluded sandy beaches at the edge of the forest, and lush muddy trails hold powers to heal the broken hearted and smooth the complexities of life. Taking my mind away from technology, other people, and unproductive distractions gives me the mental space I need to make sense of things in order to bring myself calmness and happiness; as if adventure truly revives me. The relentless energy I have found in the outdoors all over my travels continues to motivate and force me to grow ever since I first sincerely discovered it had around 17 years old when I started photographing the woods.

As I sit here on my laptop writing this, I dream of the moments I detach from it and all other technologies and city life. Whether I embark on an all day adventure with my backpack filled of food or scoot on down to a park, beach, or trail right around the corner or just along the perimeter of the local area; taking in that fresh air is just as refreshing as they have been telling us for years. Getting your heart pumping in a steep climb up or an adrenaline filled stumble down is just the rush I crave. Feeling at natures mercy is something I believe we could all grow from.

Goldie Bush Walkway
Goldie Bush Walkway
Goldie Bush Walkway
Goldie Bush Walkway
Muriwai Beach
Muriwai Beach
Muriwai Beach

I guess it is pretty obvious that the experiences we have shape us as individuals. We learn from them and we grow from them. For me, understanding my behavior is super important. I like to (and hope to) understand as much as I can about why I do the things I do and feel the things I feel. This brings me relief to those specific situations that are especially difficult to let go of. How am I able to let go of something if I do not understand where it is coming from? This may be one of my issues – the super analyzer – however on the flip side, I find it much more damaging to shove my issues I cannot understand under a rug.

In an effort to reconcile deep feelings, I am fully aware that another thing that is, and always will be, incredibly therapeutic for me is to write. Through writing I constructively analyze my feelings and think much clearer. I do not often write poetically, however I constantly find myself writing in this style anytime I need to work these emotions out. For me, it is not worth my time to write about this issue in any other way. In this style, I feel inspired, empowered, and progressive – which in my opinion is one of the most beautiful feelings that has come forward during this journey; realizing you have the ability to channel negative thoughts into positive productivity for yourself. So no worries to any reader out there that may know what issue I am talking about. Instead feel contentment in the fact that I am choosing to work out my issues in my own satisfying and therapeutic way rather than fabricate a verdict on a situation that effected me deeper than anyone has any obligation to understand or process other than myself.

KareKare Falls
KareKare Falls
KareKare Falls
KareKare Falls
KareKare Falls
KareKare Falls

your spirit lingers in faded memories that I have no strength to relive.
the display of darkness so prominent in my mind I can still feel the vertigo.
you haunt me like a ghost.
but when a ghost is merely fiction, is your presence but a dream?
but a dream is made of things that can not hurt you.
a nightmare is what awakens your vulnerability deep within.
this nightmare that inhabits my memory of what was.
the stranger you instantly and profoundly became brought shivers down my spine.
something I had never known.
something I never thought to believe.
perhaps you have always been a ghost.
what I thought to be true was just a figment of my imagination.
a figment of my dream.
in this dream you could not hurt me.
in this nightmare you have destroyed me.


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